Blog - Page 4 of 35 -
Oct 17

October 17, 2018 – JOLT – Willing to accept a mulligan?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“If you are still breathing, you have a second chance.”- Oprah Winfrey

In life, mulligans can be hard to come by…

not only from others, but from ourselves.

A “mulligan” is a term for a free shot, used in golf to replay a bad shot with no penalty.

Professionally, it’s not allowed. But, in casual play, mulligans speed up the game by reducing the time spent searching for a lost ball, decreasing frustration and increasing enjoyment of the game because a player can “shake off” a bad shot more easily with a second chance.

If you’re playing at life “professionally,” then you probably don’t expect or take mulligans very easily when a minor mistake or unfortunate happenstance occurs.

However, if you’re simply a “player,” doing his or her best to gain mastery while, first and foremost, enjoying whatever game you’re up to — in career, relationships, dreams development, etc. — then a compassionate mulligan here and there is refreshing.

I’ve often coached my clients that, to the degree they want to grow, their level of self-compassion must match it. That’s because, if you’re dreaming and playing big, you’d better expect to face challenges and seeming mistakes.

The ability to shake them off and simply keep playing — vs the paralysis of analysis of searching for the lost ball — has you keep moving towards mastery while having a lot more fun in the game.

So, choose: are you a professional, or a player? It may be different for each game you’re playing.

At some point, you may decide to go “pro.” But just consider the amount of enjoyment and playful skill development you may lose if you do so too soon.

Be a player at every opportunity…and accept or claim your mulligans gratefully.

What games are you up to? Want some coaching on your swing? Are you even swinging? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here to see a menu of services. Be a player, vs simply watching from the crowd of fans.

Got mulligan worthiness?

“Every second a seeker can start over, for his life’s mistakes are initial drafts and not the final version.”- Sri Chinmoy

Oct 03

October 3, 2018 – JOLT – Are you rethinking before “necessary”?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“I like situations that force me to rethink things.”- Marc Almond

It would be so nice…

if it didn’t take certain situations, events or circumstances to force us to reconsider our version of reality.

But, the way life generally goes is “If the truth fits, wear it.”

It’s a real challenge — and seemingly unnecessary one (?) — to actively question what we hold to to be true about [her], [him], [them], [it]…and, the biggest challenge of all, [me].

Yet, all of us accept certain challenges when there’s a possible payoff, a big potential reward for letting go of the comfort zone.

Not to get dark, but there’s a sobering story by Leo Tolstoy of a lawyer, Ivan Ilych, who didn’t question until his deathbed “What if my whole life has been wrong?”

That possibility alone — avoiding such a late wake-up call — is enough of a payoff, isn’t it?

But, to get traction, let’s start with the easy stuff…before moving on to tougher challenges.

Look at the people you work with or hang around today: what can you question of what you hold to be true?

Are the folks at the coffee shop actually friendly and want to chat, if you just make an overture? Is that person down the hall actually a worthwhile human being, if you just discover so by learning something personal about him/her?

Making even little inroads like these gives us the muscle to then start handling the bigger weights like…

If I treat my spouse or significant other like a mystery, what might I discover about them?

If I question what I hold to be true about my parents or kids, how might I see them differently?

If I wasn’t so believing of my Personally-Impossible List, what new directions, actions, or bold moves might I take?

Preemptively asking “What if I have it all wrong?” might be the most right move you can make.

Need a wingman as you ask that question of yourself? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here to see a menu of services. Trust me: you’re far more capable than you know. 

Got preemptive rethink?

“Change can be frightening, and the temptation is often to resist it. But change almost always provides opportunities – to learn new things, to rethink…and to improve…” – Klaus Schwab

Sep 26

September 26, 2018 – JOLT – Agile up your attitude…

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“Agile is an attitude, not a technique with boundaries. An attitude has no boundaries.”- Alistair Cockburn

The ever more popular…

product development and project management technique — Agile — can be a great model for living.

For the less-techies like me, Agile Project Management (APM) is an iterative approach to planning and guiding project processes which began in the software development field. An Agile project is completed in small sections, and insights gained from the feedback of an iteration are used to determine what the next step should be.

More and more fields have adopted this attitude which encourages movement, actions and “first shots” out the door as a way to not only counter perfectionism and the paralysis of analysis, but to actually create the best product faster.

In life, how often are we waiting to cross every t and dot every i before we just get started…on an idea, a dream, a wild-hair hunch?

An Agile attitude would have us take a bit of time to gather some initial information, for sure, but too much time in the weeds could have us never get on the road.

Kaihan Krippendorff, an Agile expert, says “Great ideas don’t die in the market, they die in the shower. People are too scared to pursue them because they appear crazy.”

Considering the marketplace of your life — what you’ll “buy” for yourself in terms of career, goals, personal plans and purposeful pursuits — how many ideas are washing down the drain before even getting a road test?

It’s been said that life is too short for erasers. Just draw a line through it and move on. But you have to make some kind of mark first.

Inside of what goal, personal project or dream can you make a movement forward today? After you’ve done that 25 times in the next month, only then seek feedback. Right now, it’s about movement!

Want to save a “crazy” idea before it goes down the drain? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here for a full menu of services. The conversation itself may be your first-shot movement forward.

Got agilitude?

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

Sep 19

September 19, 2018 – JOLT – Mythbusting into the mysterious…

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“To believe that what has not occurred in history will not occur at all, is to argue disbelief in the dignity of man.”- Mahatma Gandhi

It’s really easy,

especially when you’ve been around the block a time or two, to start believing that what you think is impossible is really impossible.

Even worse is to start believing that what you think you’re incapable of is truly out of your league.

This is a uniquely palpable disease for those moving into the second half of career, relationships, purposeful direction or life in general.

Having attained “knowledge” of ourselves and our capacities, we rely on our amalgamated “wisdom” (aka, prison).

When’s the last time you looked at yourself like a mystery? When’s the last time you looked at life as a mystery?

What if you don’t actually know what you’re capable of? What if it’s just a story you tell yourself based on some decision you once made to keep yourself safe…and you’ve stayed “safe” ever since?

Whether it’s the boldness necessary at [your age] to make a major career move, start your own business, begin to summit the world’s highest peaks (I know someone who started doing this at 56), or become an expert salsa dancer…

You’ll only grow bold when you let go of what you think you know. About you. About life.

Oh…and it helps to have someone to tell your bold ideas to, who will hold you to account for them. Left to your own devices, you’ll see yourself as smaller and with less possibilities than you actually have.

Playing off the old Ghostbusters theme song…

If there’s something bold, and you wish you could
Who you gonna call? (mythbusters)
If a leap seems big
If you only would
Who you gonna call? (mythbusters)

This Week’s Action Item: 1) Pick a self myth. 2) Get a buddy. 3) Bust it!

Need help? Who you gonna call? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat, or here for a full menu of services. Let’s bust your mythology.

Got mythbusting?

“Myths which are believed in tend to become true.”- George Orwell

Sep 12

September 12, 2018 – JOLT – What’s in your unseen wallet?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“Re-investing in one’s own little moments of insight is very important.”- Anish Kapoor

The typical Western motif…

is one of the “doer,” the “make it happen” driver of results.

Even many of the more traditional Eastern cultures have adopted much of the same intensity of do – do – do that Westerners have been known for.

For sure, doing and action has it’s place. And, it’s very seductive, when faced with a block of time to either do or be, to always opt for the doing.

Yet, science has now taken so many once esoteric ideas such as visioning, meditation, and gratitude and proven their validity and impact.

For example, consider the unseen investments that many Olympians make in “visual motor rehearsal” in which they actually prepare for jumps, beams and other performances first in their mind. Sure, they still have to take the “real world” action itself, but the preparation in being (confident, successful, centered) has been shown to dramatically benefit their results.

Given science has, in so many ways, backed up these more being vs doing practices, how come we aren’t consciously cultivating more time for them into our daily lives?

Because we’re then playing in the unseen…and the pull is to stick to the effort and activity of the hard and “practical” world.

Whether it’s self-care investments such as journaling or walks in the park, or future-care investments such as dreamboarding or visualizing, we’ll never see the return from the unseen until we’re willing to invest…regularly and consistently.

Sure, it takes courage to go the road less traveled. But why not carve our own groove vs fall into the doing-only ruts that so many have carved before us?

To quote a popular commercial, “What’s in your wallet?” Pull out some time for unseen investments?

Want to bring a vision to reality? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat. I’ll send you off with an idea or two to sit with.

Got unseen investments?

“To believe in the things you can see and touch is not belief at all. But to believe in the unseen is both a triumph and a blessing.”- Bob Proctor

Sep 05

September 5, 2018 – JOLT – Are great expectations moving you forward?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“The only expectations you should live up to are the ones you expect of yourself.”- Unknown

A common bit of self-care advice…

that we’re taught — or have to learn on our own — is to not concern ourselves with the expectations of others.

Simply search online for quotes about expectations of others and you’ll find lots of common themes about expectation being the mother of all frustrations, to shield yourself from them and to not base your life on them.

Trying to live up to others’ expectations, in a default and unconscious mode, can definitely be a source of constant anxiety, while holding expectations of others a source of constant disappointment.

However, utilizing expectations consciously in a way that works for us can be a source of great power and a helpful reserve to draw from.

For instance, were you the leader of some great inspirational movement, or in a position of benevolent impact over many people, showing up in a rotten mood or being wildly confused or out of sorts wouldn’t necessarily support your intentions.

Therefore, in reflecting on what it is that people look to you for, you might find a reserve within yourself to bring your usual magic to the moment…or to even “put on a happy face.”

Sure, you can say “But I need the freedom to be me!” And yet, aren’t you really more of who you really are when you’re being your greatest Self?

Consciously utilized, great expectations from others (aka, expectations for you to be great) can be exactly the kind of structures you want to build around yourself.

Taken to the point of constricting ourselves, expectations can be a killer. However, utilized for the purpose of expanding and expressing our Self, expectations can be a pillar…of strength.

Just what if you chose to sacrifice the little self for the sake of your big Self? In what areas of your life could you establish some great expectations of who you are and what you’re up to? 

Need a conscious expectations partner? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat about where your being great can support you in achieving awesome something for your Self.

Local to Southern California? Join us in acknowledging Back Forty possibilities, hosted by Wharton OC Alumni. Click Here for more details. All are welcome. 

Got conscious great expectations?

“High expectations are the key to everything.”- Sam Walton

Aug 29

August 29, 2018 – JOLT – In the mood for a rally?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“Push yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you.”- Unknown

Some of my favorite movies…

from childhood were rally movies, like “The Great Race” and “The Gumball Rally.” 

Rallies can be a blast, and can spark new hope, insight and adrenaline.

If markets operate as usual, there will likely be a “Santa Rally” in the stock market in the last several months of the year…where stock prices rise up to the holidays.

Also, “The Amazing Race” continues on CBS after 30 seasons with a new fall lineup of shows.

AND, most important, you have your Third Third Rally of 2018 about to begin this weekend.

You have the last four months of this year — with all the goals, intentions and plans put into place on Jan. 1 (“Wait, where was that list?”) — in which to create something.

Will you unconsciously slide into simply whatever’s next for the remainder of the year, or is it time to regroup, reassess, and re-intention yourself for a big push?

Where are you at with your plans for this year? Have you looked? How can you tidy them up, retarget your dreams, and create new, achievable goals to inspire you into the fall?

Your Third Third Rally begins this Saturday. Rev up your engines and, like all the great rally movies, grab a sidekick to ride with you to the end…and support you to do what you said you’d do.

Need a sidekick to support your race? Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat about what lies at the end of your 2018 finish line. And, if a Career Review or PlayGame Coaching Session can lube your engine, grab one while the $50 summer discount remains for three more days Here.

Local to Southern California? Join us in acknowledging Back Forty possibilities, hosted by Wharton OC Alumni. Click Here for more details. All are welcome.

Got rally?

“A year from now, you’ll wish you had started today.”- Karen Lamb

Aug 22

August 22, 2018 – JOLT – Leading with acknowledgement?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“The single greatest cause of happiness is gratitude.” – Auliq-Ice

Most books have a section…

of acknowledgements at the beginning or the end.

The author takes time to personally notice all the players in the game that eventually became the book.

It’s a wonderful experience to be recognized as having been instrumental in the creation of something.

The late Sridevi, Indian cinema’s first female superstar, said “Acknowledgement and recognition from authoritative quarters are important to every artiste.”

Truth is, we are all “artistes” in our own life, performing to the best of our ability. Plus, we’re all writing the book of life according to us every minute.

Question is: how often are we writing (and rewriting) our acknowledgements section?

Jack Canfield has quoted a recent management study which revealed that “46% of employees leaving a company do so because they feel underappreciated; 61% said their bosses don’t place much importance on them as people, and 88% said they do not receive acknowledgement for the work they do.”

Now, redirect awareness of that same issue from the workplace to the home, romantic relationships, the family, etc., and you have plenty of blank pages to be filled.

When will you write today’s acknowledgement section? Who will you send it to? And will you write it at the beginning or the end of the day/book? (Hint: A pre-emptive strike of acknowledgment has wheels turn that might not when waiting to report afterwards.)

Jack Canfield also quoted that “Research has shown over and over again that the more you acknowledge your past successes, the more confident you become in taking on and successfully accomplishing new ones.”

Guess who gets acknowledged first on the list?

Local to Southern California? Join us in acknowledging Back Forty possibilities, hosted by Wharton OC Alumni. Click Here for more details. All are welcome. 

Got acknowledgement lead?

“Leaders don’t look for recognition from others, leaders look for others to recognize.”- Simon Sinek

Aug 15

August 15, 2018 – JOLT – Opening up for a necessary lockdown?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to the result.” – Bob Proctor

The self- made man/ woman myth…

often keeps us playing solo in the world of dreams and aspirations.

First, we’re reticent to cast our “pearls before swine,” guarding our ideas to protect them from wayward, instantly debilitating potshots coming from the peanut gallery.

Then, if we’ve actually developed a dream to the point of potential flight test, we want to keep a low-profile in case it crashes and burns.

So, we’re left trying to both birth and graduate a baby on our own time, in our own private skunk works and only when we get around to it.

That might work for some unique creations, but for the majority of mankind, playing solo often means no go.

Sure, you might schedule time daily/weekly/monthly to move your idea forward…but on more occasions than not, that schedule will be forgotten when life takes over.

However, it’s much harder to say you didn’t take the action, move the ball forward, or engage in the necessary steps when you told another person that you would…especially if they really care for you and your dream and keep tabs on you.

I’m currently engaged in a process to move my next book forward, a process I’ve handled on my own before, but I’ve locked myself into an “action buddy” commitment to make sure I actually get it done…because all the reasons in the world come up when we get close to a finish line.

What’s important enough for you to achieve that you’re willing to put your butt on the line of accountability?

Who will you tell? When? And how much room will you give them to hold your feet to the fire?

Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat to see if I can help you get it done. 

Got lockdowns?

“When your teammate looks you in the eye and holds you accountable, that’s the greatest kind of leadership there is.” – Doug Collins

Aug 08

August 8, 2018 – JOLT – Is this the image you want to play out?

By Darrell Gurney | Blog

“It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”- Denis Waitley

In the world of life’s occurrences…

there’s a lot to be said about what happens to us coming from inside influence vs outside conspiracy.

It’s a tough pill to swallow. It’s far easier to wave a flag of victimhood claiming no control than to turn our attention within…to discover precursors of thought preceding outside events.

And, that’s one possible way to live life: at effect.

Yet, if that game isn’t working, we at least have another option, another card to play, such as “Hmmm…now why in the heck might I have brought this about? What’s there for me to learn in this?”

Of course, we still have to deal with whatever it is at hand that we wouldn’t have ever consciously chosen to come about. Yet, going this route, we have more of a voice or play in the game.

One’s “self” image, and associated beliefs, is often the culprit behind what appears to be unappealing circumstances and situations. The good news is that we can always “image up” if we choose.

When my son was little, we played video games together which gave us an opportunity to “Power Up!” (I still hear the audio in my head) so as to elongate our game or play with more force and gusto.

Consider that your greatest impact on your life’s goals, dreams and plans playing out as you’d like comes from the time and attention you give to imaging yourself up to meet them. As within, so without.

Which of your countless ideas and splendid plans deserves an imaging up inside of you?

Click Here to schedule a free 15min chat around your inner picture meeting your outer dreams. 

Got imaging up?

“Take care how you speak to yourself, because you are listening” – Unknown