“When a person goes into a relationship emotionally needy, they are not going to have discernment in choosing people.” – Jennifer O’Neill

Job Dating

I’ve used the metaphor for years that job search is like dating, and that neediness and desperation works well in neither.

Yet knowing and doing are two different things!

As soon as it’s time for a career shift — in most cases never proactively planned but, rather, a knee-jerk reaction to some outside event (layoff, merger, etc) — the primal tendency is to begin wearing lack, need and even worthiness issues on our shirt sleeves.

Like the dating quote above says, you don’t choose the best people when in a needy state. You also don’t choose the best organizations or roles when you’re desperate for a job.

“But, Darrell, what if I really DO need a job, and right now?”

My advice is that the best way to get a job is to not be looking for one!

“But, Darrell, what if I really DO need a job, and right now? How do I not look for one?”

Hello???? My advice isn’t going to change!

So, you’re either going to find a way to manage your mind and disposition so as to NOT show up as a desperate and needy job seeker or you’ll just go the standard and well-worn path of bad dating: usually ending in lower self-esteem, decreased joy and even heartache.

“But Darrell, what if I really DO need a job, and right now? How do I manage my mind?”

Good question! You’ve now gotten to the core of it!

The answer is simple and can be easily learned: focus on Research and Human Connection.

When you are truly out for Research, you avoid the traps of neediness while building the best skill one can have these days: the skill of Human Connection.

1. When you’re not needy, you’ll meet more people because people avoid situations where someone may need what they can’t give.

2. When you’re researching to gain info around things that truly fascinate you, you’re imbued with an infectious and energizing energy.

3. When you tap into humans for the sake of being human together (vs. “corporate” or “formally professional”), you build relationship equity that can pay off for both you and them for years to come.

So, your AI (Aspiration Intelligence) enhanced mission, should you choose to accept it, is to develop your mastery of Human Connection for the ROI it will have on your career.

Think differently, play better.

Radically,

Darrell

CareerGuy and Back Forty Freedom Flier

“I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy to go into relationships as a needy person. Better to go in with a full deck.” – Anjelica Huston